Derri52 aka Derry Paul Hughes why do things happen to you? Why the darkness of mental health problems? So many breakdowns without complete cure, Just when we were on the brink of good times and the peace of mind so needed! Once more my wait begins, this time in a flat in Swindon, Wiltshire, which is now our home so lovingly decorated and furnished by you. The 10 months since your last breakdown have been so happy but you had to work too hard, I know you did it for us, but by doing so you tipped into the darkness again. You bought me so much, the gifts, the art equipment, so many clothes, you really spoilt me, but if I had it to do again I would rather not have it and have you well.

Derry Paul Hughes from Swindon, Wiltshire,  England, born November 15 1955.

Derri52@live.co.uk

Our involvement began in July 2009 online, I was going through a very hard time and he was my sole support, he helped me through massive lows and seemingly never ending problems, our contact grew from emails, to IM, to phone calls and texts, not once a day, but up to 10 times a day, we spent a staggering average of 4 hours a day in each others company.
In July 2010 I went to England to meet him, I was very nervous and so was he, it was only when i took my shoes of and he cursed the traffic that we knew this is the person I know so well.
We spent an idyllic week in a thatch cottage in Mollington, he showed me ancient towns and churches, even the weather was glorious.
I returned to South Africa heart broken, it seemed like forever but in January 2011 he finally joined me, life was wonderful. Family problems saw him return to UK in March, what should have been a week away took 3 long months, I ended up under my doctors care suffering from stress but finally Derry returned.
We sold the house and moved in November 2011, Derry fixed it up and we spent a happy christmas in our new home, sadly we had neighbors from hell, so decided to move again, before we could Derrys brother suffered a stroke and he flew back to England to be by his side in early 2012, again our separation dragged out from what it was meant to be yet again, when he finally came home in April 2012, we moved into our current home a little cottage set on one acre of ground that afforded us privacy, it was a drab little cottage that Derry transformed into a Palace for me, the intention being this was our permanent home.
In August 2012 his brother died, and Derry returned to england for the funeral, it has now been almost a month since he left, he is struggling to deal with the death, and I am struggling with life without him by my side. Derry will not let me help him, says he needs to be alone to grieve, he has driven through europe to find a quiet place to deal with his demons. I wait but I am scared I do not have enough strength. We have been through so many trials together and this is the first that makes me so afraid.
I write this blogg as a way of purging my soul, but also as an inspiration to Derry, I want to show him the wonderful life and love we had through photos to give him strength so that he can come home.